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What More Can You Do?
If you want to help your friend or relative in concrete ways,
be creative, but recognize your limitations. Do not offer more
than you can give. Any assistance, however small it seems to
you, will demonstrate your concern and care. Your care and
help can aid your friend or relative’s recovery and healthy
adjustment.
In Public
Sometimes the routines of life will be threatening to a woman
dealing with the aftermath of rape. Traveling home from work
or school or even grocery shopping may be frightening to her.
If your friend or relative expresses concern about her safety
in these situations, offer to drive her home or accompany her
on public transportation.
The Daily Routine
For some time after her attack, routine chores and responsibilities
may seem burdensome to your friend or relative. She may be
grateful for assistance with errands, childcare, laundry,
etc. If you
are able, offer to help with these tasks. If you offer to
help, it is critical that you follow through on your promise.
At Home
Regardless of where she was raped, the victim will probably
be concerned about the safety of her house or apartment.
You can
help her install locks on the doors and windows or other
security measures she wants to take. She may decide to
move to a new
apartment or house. You can help her search for one or
assist with the
moving chores.
Need to Get Away
Depending upon the circumstances of the attack, your friend
or relative may appreciate having a place to stay outside
her home
or she may appreciate having a companion stay with her
in her home. For women who have been raped, fear can
be a primary
emotion.
It can surface any time – especially when she is
feeling vulnerable. It may intensify when she is alone.
Consider making your home available as a temporary
refuge. Or offer to spend a few days with her at her home. Sheltering
the
victim or offering her assistance is a serious responsibility.
Her pain will be closer to you as you take on the role
of comforter. Make sure you’re prepared to make
a commitment of this nature before offering. Knowing
and respecting your own limitations
is important. If your family or other responsibilities
prevent you from making this kind of commitment, you
might offer to arrange
a schedule of regular phone calls.
Financial Concerns
For many women, rape has considerable financial consequences.
The victim may not be compensated for time lost from
work, whether immediately after the attack or later,
during the
trial. She
may incur the expense of moving to a new home, or making
other lifestyle changes that increase her living expenses.
Don’t
assume that an offer of financial help would seem insensitive.
Professional Help
Make sure that your friend knows that there are community
resources she can contact for support. ICASA rape
crisis centers provide
free and confidential counseling services. If she
seems interested, offer to help her get information.
If she chooses to seek counseling or therapy from
a psychologist or a psychiatrist, she should be aware
that not all of
them have had training in the special needs of rape
victims. You
should
screen any potential therapists by calling and asking
them if their areas of expertise include counseling
for rape
victims.
Resist the temptation to choose a therapist
for her. She needs to make her own decision and have control
over her
own life.
In Court
If her attacker is caught and your friend decides
to prosecute, your support will be invaluable.
There are
likely to be
numerous contacts with an Assistant State’s
Attorney as well as one or more hearing and trial
dates. She may have to go to court
several times. At any point throughout the court
processes, consider offering to accompany her.
If possible, you could organize a
few other friends who would be willing to rotate
the responsibility.
Personal Support
After the crisis seems to have passed, you may want things
to get back to normal. However, your friend or relative may
still be adjusting. Many victims suffer from post-traumatic
stress disorder. She may still feel traumatized even though,
from your perspective, she should be fully recovered or functional.
It is important that you remain supportive for however long
it takes.
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