From the Start …
Rape can traumatize not only the victim, but also her family
and friends. One of the greatest hardships is not knowing how
to help. Each woman’s reaction to being raped is individual.
Her pain and her needs will be unique. This pamphlet provides
guidance for those whose family member or friend has been raped.
Let her Take the Lead
A rape victim has experienced a devastating loss of control
over her life. She needs to be in control of her actions – so
don’t push her in any way. Regardless of your intentions,
if she feels that you are being pushy or coercive, you won’t
be helping. For instance, if she wants to talk, listen. If you
are uncomfortable listening, help her find someone who can listen.
If she doesn’t want to talk, don’t try to force her – she
needs to set her own pace.
Let her tell you what she wants to do. Ask
her, “How can
I help you?”
Talk to a counselor, find a local rape
crisis center. ICASA rape crisis centers provide free and
confidential counseling
services.
You Can’t Erase
the Rape
There is no way to change the fact that she was raped. You
can’t
change history but you can be a loving and non-judgmental
friend or partner. Remember that your support can ease
her recovery.
Face Your Own Fears
Rape is ugly. Rape is scary. You may be uncomfortable thinking
about it. You may find that you experience anger at the
victim or her attacker. You may feel fearful. You may
feel guilt
at not having been able to prevent the attack. There
are a number
of other feelings you may have that may affect your relationship.
You can’t deny your own feelings, but don’t let them
interfere with the concern and aid you’re trying
to give.
Seek Counseling if You Need It
Rape crisis counselors are aware that the violence of
sexual assault can affect others close to the victim.
They can
respond directly to your questions and concerns. ICASA
rape crisis
centers provide free and confidential counseling to
the victim’s
family and friends.
Next Page: It’s
Not Her Fault
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